Friday, April 30, 2010

Kate and Mary

Just down the road from my house growing up, there lived two widowed sisters, Kate and Mary. Their house was at the end of a long, wooded road that passed by a small cemetery. I remember pedaling as fast as I could to get by it. But on a rare occasion, I got the nerve to actually stop and read the names on the tombstones. It was an old cemetery, and it had been years since anyone had been buried there.
Kate and Mary's house was beside a cove, but there was no longer any dock out to the water. The sisters loved to tell the story of how their great grandfather refused to take down the Confederate flag when a Union schooner had sailed into the cove. The Union captain was furious, and a cannon ball was fired into the side of the house. The grandfather went out on the porch, shook his fist towards the schooner and yelled "I'm still not taking it down!" Evidently, someone on the ship convinced the captain that this was not worth his time or effort, so the schooner left the cove and the flag remained flying.
I can still remember walking into their house, or really, I should say their huge kitchen, One end was for cooking, while the other had chairs to sit and talk. I can still smell the room: that old, smoky, cook stove smell that is still in the walls today, I am sure. Kate was a large woman, who mostly sat in her chair and led all the discussions. Her cheeks shook when she talked, and old folks back home would say she had "jowls". I remember that every time I came to visit, she had to give me a big hug and a kiss. Mary was a tiny woman, and hardly ever sat down. She was constantly cooking, cleaning, sweeping, doing something active. She joined in the conversations as well, but she always kept moving while she talked.
We would talk about church, about the weather, my father's garden, the health of everyone in the neighborhood, and much more. I was sometimes there for two or three hours at a time. I am convinced that those conversations years ago are a great part of the reason that I have always been able to talk with older people.
Kate and Mary have been gone for many years now. I often wonder what became of their house, and that little cemetery that gave me goosebumps years ago. I also wonder if they ever realized the lasting impact they had upon so many young people in our neighborhood.
Have you had a Kate or a Mary in your life? PLEASE share your memories here.
Have a blessed weekend!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Ghosts

Let me be very clear about this: I DO BELIEVE in Ghosts. Now, as to what they are, where they come from, why they are here, I can't answer all that. What I do know is that there are many things out there that we cannot explain. We also have far too many incidents and reports from credible witnesses to dismiss all the claims as just someones imagination or hysteria.
I grew up in a haunted town, that's for sure. The Old House Woods area of Mathews is one of the most recognized haunted areas in the nation, with stories dating back to Revolutionary War days. Ghost ships, soldiers burying gold on the beach, skeleton soldiers on horseback demanding people stop "In the name of the King's Army!!", disappearing waterman and old coins and beer steins left behind. Many books have chronicles the stories; "Virginia Ghosts, Vol.1" by L.B. Taylor, Jr. is one of the best and most easily available.
I have been to Old House Woods many times. When I was around twelve years old, a friend and I ventured into the woods and found an old abandoned house still standing. We went inside,
and found a still smoking cigarette in an ash tray. Someone had just been there, and took off when we came in. We never did see or hear anyone in the house.
One night, as a teenager, my friends and I decided to drive down to Old House Woods to see if anything would happen or appear. As we turned a corner, the front passenger side door flew open. With God as my witness, we could not get that door to close until we turned the car around and headed away from Old House Woods.
One day, as a teenager, I was watching a baseball game on television. On each side of the TV set were windows that faced a neighbor's house. I looked out of the window, and saw my long-time neighbor walk out of his house and get into his car. In a moment, I saw him drive away. A few minutes later, it hit me: he had been DEAD for over five years!! What I saw was a ghost!
Have you ever seen a ghost, or had an encounter that you cannot explain? PLEASE take a moment to share your experiences.
BTW, I have tried, but I just can't blog every day. CBW, I don't know how you do it.
Take care, and have a blessed day!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Speaking Clearly

Growing up, I had a speech impairment. I had a terrible time with the "thr" sound, so that when I said "three", it sounded like "free". This was long before schools began to offer speech therapy, so I was just kind of stuck with it.
I remember one day in 5th grade, in Mrs. B. Johnson's math class. Mrs. Johnson was originally from New York City, so if you wanted to get her distracted, you just had to ask about NYC. She would get so distracted, we never had to do any math that day. On this day, I had to do a problem in front of the class, and it involved the number three. She laughed at the way I said three, and told the class how lazy and dumb I was. Some laughed, but most just sat there feeling bad for me and ashamed of her. I felt like I must just be dumb and "not good enough".
When I was a junior in high school, my English teacher and my History teacher came up to me together in the hall. One of them said, "We think you would do a good job on the Forensics team as an extemporaneous speaker" There were very IMPOSING figures at our school, and nobody gave these two teachers any trouble (yes, Deputy and McDaniel, my MHS friends!) But, even though I had no idea what extemporaneous even meant, I did hear the word "speaker"-public speaker? Me-what a joke! I looked them both square in the eyes and said 'How can I be a speaker with the way I talk?" I thought they had lost their minds.
But they had not. They responded that they knew some drills that I could practice with them, after-school and at home on my own, that would probably correct the problem. I was willing to try, but wondered if it would really work.
Well, it did. I did o.k. my junior year, and by my senior year, I placed 1st in District, 2nd at Regionals, and 2nd in the state of Virginia for Group A. Our team finished second in the state that year as well, losing to George Mason High School. For me, being able to speak clearly was a life-changing experience. I went on to be student body President of my high school, and was able to use my public speaking skills in college and as a pastor.
My life changed because two teachers cared enough to work with me, as opposed to one who just wanted to make fun of me. This is a big week in Mathews as Mrs. Trusch, our former US government teacher, turn 90 years old. What teachers have made a positive impact on your life?What teachers and/or their comments caused you pain? How have you strived to help others in their lives? Please share with all of us.
Have a blessed day!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

We Remember

One the first day of Jacqueline's freshman year at Virginia Tech, police and state troopers burst into the auditorium and rushed the students out because there was a shooter on campus. They had to run outside with their hands above their heads so that the police would know they were not armed. At one point, they had to crouch down behind a hilly sidewalk until the police were sure it was clear.
That Spring, on April 16th, the massacre took place. Jacqueline had come home for the weekend to watch the family dog while we were in Atlanta with Kenny for his spring break. As Vickie took her down to school that morning, word came over the radio that two people had been shot, and that the campus was shut down. By the time they turned around at Ironto to come back to Salem, word was coming in that more had been shot. Ten-then a few minutes later, 12-then 22, then the final, ungodly total: 32 killed, plus the shooter had killed himself.
I was on my way to work in Lynchburg that morning. I stopped at Moneta to just sit and cry and compose myself. By the time I got to Lynchburg, the church phone was ringing constantly, more like an alarm than a bell. Everyone asked the same thing, "Is Jacqueline o.k.?" After a few minutes, I just told my secretary to answer the phone, and don't worry about anything else that day. I got back in the car, and drove to Salem as fast as I could.
That night, and the next few days, seemed unreal. We all gathered at Cassell and the football stadium to watch as Gov. Kaine and President Bush came to speak at the memorial service. I was not a fan of President Bush (ok, at least TRY to hold your laughter!) but he did a wonderful job that day, and it really came from his heart. The campus was somber, stunned, heart-broken.
We went to the wonderful make-shift memorial set up on the Drill Field, and we took a bouquet of 32 balloons to add. The Roanoke Times has a video (or at least they did) that includes a shot of those balloons, blowing in the wind.
Jacqueline will graduate in May. Eight of her Class of 2010 classmates were among those killed that day. Perhaps you think I make too much of all of this. But I could have easily lost MY baby girl that day, and I quite frankly don't know how I would have survived that.
April has never been a very popular month, due to taxes. The last few years have seen tragedies that have marred the month as well, from Waco to Columbine, and who would have ever believed it, Virginia Tech.
Please remember the fallen on Friday. Wear a Hokie shirt if you have one. And don't be surprised if you see folks who, for no reason, seem to have a tear in their eye.
We took a walk at the beautiful yet simple permanent memorial Sunday night. It still really hurts.
That's it for this week. I'll write something again on Monday. Have a blessed week and weekend!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Don't Throw It All Away, Our Love

After over two decades in the ministry, as well as counseling couples, I see three things that will quickly destroy a marriage. Poor communication, disputes over money, and a dead sex life.
Today, I want to focus on the "dead sex life" part. Sex in marriage is one of God's greatest gifts. It should be something that helps unite couples, in good and bad times. Unfortunately, a good sex life is often one of the first things to go downhill in a marriage. Someone once said "the best way to ruin your sex life is to get married". Isn't that a shame? it certainly is not what God intended.
For men and women: if you are constantly using the excuse "I'm too tired for sex" then YOU have to change your schedule. Unless you don't mind wasting one of God's greatest gifts between a man and a woman. It is the whole realm of the sexual experience, from the anticipation to the foreplay to the act and completion, that helps bond a husband and wife as one. To deny it, or constantly rush through it, greatly reduces it specialness
Some plain advice. MEN-if you want your spouse to be excited about being intimate with you, leave the "Wham-Bam-Thank You, Ma mm" approach for locker room talk or the movies. Nothing kills a woman's desire to have sex faster than a man who only seems interested in his own orgasm. Learn to really love your wife-ever read the Psalm of Psalms? The whole book is about a couple learning to really love each other, and taking time to get to know what brings pleasure to the other, and not just concentrate on one's self. Explore her body, learn what she likes and does not like. A man who really loves his wife will be as excited to bring her to a climax as he is to get his own.
For WOMEN: Guess what? It really turns us off when you lay there like you're a bump on a log, and guess again, we know when you are "faking it". Again, know your husband, and what he likes and does not like. And don't treat your body like a sexual "mine field". One wrong touch by your husband, and suddenly the whole night is ruined. That doesn't mean to do things that you are uncomfortable with. But just guide him, put his hands (or whatever) where you do want them, and don't act like he has tried to assault you if he has not. I am amazed and saddened by the number of men who are almost scared of their wives's body because, as they have shared with me, they feel like they are "walking on egg shells" Also, if you tell your husband you would be more inclined to enjoy sex if he helped around the house more, live up to that. Also, don't require that everything in life be perfect (house spotless, every possible thing done) before you can have sex. Sex is a gift that helps us deal with life's highs and lows: it is not intended to only be had at times when everything is "perfect"--that junk is for the movies and Harlequin romance books.
Well, you either agree with me, or I ticked you off. Good either way, because at least I got you thinking. PLEASE share your thoughts and comments.
Have a blessed day!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Doctor, Doctor

Having been away for almost 25 years now, I am amazed to look back and realize how many wonderful, dedicated doctors we had for such a small town.
Dr. Bowles was a graduate of the University of Virginia Medical School. He took care of my whole family throughout the years, and made house calls, as did most of the doctors in town at that time. $5.00 for a visit, $8 for a visit and a shot!
When I was a toddler, I developed a taste for St. Joseph's Children's Aspirin, you, the orange flavored, chewable ones? Well, one day when my mother was not looking, I found the bottle. Of course, this was long before child-proof caps. My mother told me later that she found me, holding the empty bottle, and asked "Where are all the pills?" I just looked up at her, pointed to my mouth and said "Gone".
My parents loaded me into the car and rushed me up to town to Dr. Bowles office. They say that he quickly pumped my stomach, then began pacing the floor, smoking cigarette after cigarette as he hoped he had gotten the pills out in time.
Years later, as a preteen, I began to have unusual pains in my side, and was sick alot. I was taken to Riverside Hospital in Newport News, where multiple tests were run. When they couldn't find anything, I remember being in bed as the doctors came to my hospital room door and told my mother "It's all in his head". I went back home, and within a week, I was at Dr. Bowles office again. He dismissed Riverside's actions, and decided to run his own tests. He was the one that found out I had diabetes. A hospital had missed it, but the old country doctor found it!
When I was a senior in high school, I went to Dr. Bowles one day for my college physical. When he was finished, he stopped me at the door and said, "We are really proud of you. I know you will do well". You see, I was the first one in my family to go to college. I really appreciated what he said that day.
Well, it's been a long day, but I have more doctor stories to come. Hudgins, Ransone (young and old), Stewart, Reed and maybe some others.
PLEASE take a moment to share YOUR stories and memories, especially of the doctors I have mentioned here, or the ones when you were growing up. From "Purple People Eaters" to ear-piercings, you have a lot to share.
Be blessed!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Why Bother?

Why bother standing up for what is right, when it is so much easier to remain quiet and just go along with the crowd? Why say anything, knowing that even if you are standing for what is right and what your beliefs have taught you, that some will attack you, even good friends and members of your family?
WHY? Because if you and I don''t stand up for what is right, our silence is a quiet endorsement of the wrong-doing and evil we see around us. When we refuse to demand the truth and all of the facts, the lies and deceptions become accepted as the truth.
Don't let others speak for you; speak for yourself. Don't let others tell you what to believe; find out the facts and the truth for yourself. Be true to what God intended you to be. Live by love, stand up for what is right.
Have a blessed weekend!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Tigers, Rebels, and Protesters

Today I want to just share some thoughts on current events; feel free to agree or disagree, but as the preface says, be kind.
1. I am disgusted by all of the gushing over Tiger Woods at the Masters. I can't enjoy the man's golf game if I can't respect the man. It is not my job to forgive him; hopefully he has already gotten straight with God and his wife. But if he wants me to watch him play, and wants me to buy products from his sponsors, I want to see a REAL, LASTING change- give it a year or so of staying home, keeping it there with his wife, and THEN we can talk about real remorse.
2. I was sad to see our Governor make the mistake of proclaiming this month "Confederate History Month" in Virginia. We don't need to celebrate succeeding from the Union, especially since the main reason we did was to protect the horrible institution of slavery. Nobody got upset about "states rights" until they thought slavery would be taken away.
I didn't vote for our governor, but neither do I think he is a bad guy. Whether you support or are against the proclamation, everybody knew the minute he issued it, especially when he at first failed to mention slavery, or that the South was WRONG (will we ever admit that?) to succeed, that it would cause an uproar. Why not just let it stay a dead issue?
3. Tomorrow the so-called "Christians" from Westborough Baptist Church will descend upon Blacksburg with their sick message of hate as they "celebrate" the deaths of the 33 who died in the VT shootings, and the murder of Morgan Harrington. They will be met by a thousands strong counter protest, showing that God is a God of LOVE, not hate. I had planned to be there, but my health will not permit me to go. Lets be in prayer for the protesters and the counter-protesters, that it will be peaceful, and that real love will win out.
Let me know what you think, or any other topics you want to discuss. If you like this blog, PLEASE share it with your friends.
Have a blessed day!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Watching Them Grow

One of the joys of getting older is to be able to look back and take note of how the young people you have worked with over the years have grown. People who were only eleven or twelve years old when I first met them are now doctors, nurses, teachers, dentists, engineers, scientists, and much more.
This past weekend was a real treat. We spent the weekend in Orange County, VA and saw lots of former members of our youth group, all now grown up, with jobs and families. We stayed with our "God daughter" (no, her parents did not pick us, but God put us all together). We have known her since she was eleven years old. Her life got off to a rough start, but she has overcome all of that and now has a wonderful husband and children, and a beautiful home. Most importantly, she has one of the most loving spirits I have ever encountered. She has run her own preschool until this year, and now substitutes at the local elementary school. Her husband started working at a local auto parts store as a young teenager, went to college, and has now bought the store and has a thriving business. They have become part of our family, and it is a real joy and blessing.
Saturday morning we went to an Easter egg hunt at the home of some of their friends. While there, we saw some other folks who were teenagers when we were at the church there. We talked about their jobs, about their kids, about coaching baseball, and just about everyday life. It was wonderful to see how they have grown and matured and become responsible, happy adults.
On Sunday, I had the privilege of bringing the Easter message at a church near Ruckersville.
I was able to participate as my niece and her fiance joined the church, and as he and their young son were baptized. My niece has not had an easy life either, but she has moved on from her past and is working hard to make a family, while going to work everyday and taking classes for college as well.
I doubt I will ever be rich as far as material things go. We often think that, if we just had lots of money, we could fix so much. Money is a help, no doubt. But I have learned that, if one is rich in love, much good can be accomplished as well. "Love One Another"-NEVER underestimate that.
Have a blessed day!

Monday, April 5, 2010

A New Birth, Conclusion

The day finally arrived to go to the airport and meet Lisa and her father. I remember seeing Rob walk down the corridor, and since I had seen him in pictures and talked to him often over the years, it seemed pretty normal. Then, back a few feet, I saw Lisa. I felt stunned to finally see her in the flesh. It was a hot and muggy August Virginia day, and she was overdressed (remember, even in the summer, it is not unusual to need a jacket in San Francisco) We all greeted and hugged, then Lisa joked that she needed to go somewhere and get some cooler clothes. We went to a nearby mall. and she and Jacqueline went off to shop. The three adults stood back and watched as they walked away. They walked EXACTLY the same. Both soon reappeared, complained that 1. the mall was mostly winter clothes now, and 2. what they had was over-priced. SO, off we headed to Wal-mart for some shorts and t-shirts.
Some of our family came in to visit, as did some of our friends. Our house was small, so Lisa and Robert stayed at a nearby hotel at night, and spent the rest of the time at our house. It never felt awkward, just amazing. We took them around Roanoke and showed them the sights.
Finally the day arrived to go to church. Everyone was very gracious. During the service, we have a part called "Joys and Celebrations" It is a time to share something good that has happened that week. Rob stood up and took the microphone, and began to talk about what an experience the whole process had been, and what a blessing it was. Talk about surreal!
Since then, we have visited back and forth. A friend and I stayed with Lisa and her family went we went to a Virginia Tech bowl game in San Francisco. Then, we spent a two week vacation in SF a few years ago, and stayed at Rob's apartment. Lisa has visited out here again as well, and when I got deathly ill last year, Lisa and Rob flew out to spend a week with me at the hospital.
I know I must be missing stuff, so if you have questions, feel free to ask. Just know that it has been an incredible and wonderful journey, and that we have been blessed to have Lisa, and to have her in our lives.
Let me know your thoughts.
have a blessed day!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Time Out

Thanks for reading. I intended to finish the story of meeting our birth daughter today, but I am having some health issues, and want to wait till I feel better so I can do a good job.
I'll be back in a day or two, hopefully.
Have a blessed holiday weekend-give thanks to God for Jesus Christ!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

A New Birth, Part II

The time finally arrived when our birth daughter. Lisa, turned 18. It was December of her senior year in high school, and she was a very active and involved student. In talking with her parents, we decided to wait a few more months to have our first phone call and meeting. All four of us agreed that, with school and applying for college, we didn't want to add to her stress.
Unfortunately, she got the impression that we did not WANT to meet her. Sometimes things get "lost in translation". When we realized that she thought that, we got on the phone IMMEDIATELY and called her, to let her know that was NEVER our intention.
You want to talk about surreal? I remember hearing her voice on the phone for the first time. I was so scared that she would hate us for giving her up, that she would not understand why or how we did so. But she was wonderful, and very understanding. You could tell just talking to her what a wonderful job her parents had done. Soon we set up a time for her and her father to coome out to Virginia and visit us. She was excited to meet us, and our children, and to get to come to church to hear me preach.
The first people to tell were our children. We called my daughter into the living room and told her we had something to tell her. No, we said, we are not getting a divorce. Her reply stunned us: "Oh, are you gonna tell me you guys had a love child?" We were floored-she was just making a joke, but she could tell right away by our stunned expressions that, yes, that was the case. She went to her room and cried for awhile, then slowly asked questions about the whole thing over the next few days. Our son was excited to learn that he had another sister. Of couse, he was full of questions, too.
Well, now I had to tell some other people about all of this. Being a fairly smart UMC minister, one of the first people I called was my District Superintendent. He was very understanding, his main concern was how my church would react. I then called together the members of the Pastor-Parish Committee and laid out the whole story. They were behind us 100%. Then, the next Sunday, at the end of the service, I asked everyone to sit back down, that I had something to tell them. I started off by joking that "No, I have not committed a crime and I'm not going to jail" When the laughter stopped, I told them our story, and that in two weeks, Lisa and her father would be with us in church. I finished with a prayer, then headed for the backdoor to greet people.
Now, I think it would be fair for me and the church to say that our four years together were often difficult. But they could not have been more kind and loving in their response to us. Oh, I heard a few whispers, but fewer than I expected. Remember, I am a minster. I know fully well that the church can sometimes become the most un-Christian place to be. Sad, but it happens sometimes.
Tomorrow I will talk about that first meeting and visit, and the blessing that all of this has been.
As Clarence Goodbody told George Bailey "You really had a wonderful life!"
God bless.